About Me

I find this page incredibly hard to write because I feel like I am in a constant state of flux. I feel like this page could be completely irrelevant in two years. So instead of listing off by likes and dislikes I will try to explain some some simple truths about me and what I feel most passionate about at this current moment.

Raised by a single Mother for most of my life I believe in the incredible power of anyone who decides to make the most of their situation regardless of how unplanned or unprepared they are. My Mother worked multiple jobs while attending College when I was a baby to make sure that I had a bright future. Because of this have always believed that no one has a greater power over my happiness and success than myself. I cannot thank my Mom more for providing me with such a strong example of female independence. I like to pride myself on my own independence and always needing to trying things out myself before asking for help. Having said that, I do suffer from depression and anxiety which I have been open about in other posts. I have had to ask for help in dealing with those things and some days are a harder to stay positive and be my optimistic self. But I do not think that the anxiety I have makes me a weak person. I do not agree with the stigma that mental health issues have. I hope my openness about them can help people. I am well aware that any mental health issue can be isolating and scary so my blog will always be a judgement free place to feel less alone.

The need for community for me extends beyond mental health issues. In life I have often felt like the odd one, the loner, or the one who just can’t always seem to say the right thing at the right time. I have a horrible tendency to be one loudly saying something embarrassing or inappropriate after everyone else has become quiet. There are times I feel like I should be from a different time period entirely.

Thanks to the internet I believe that no one needs to ever feel alone or bad for thinking differently. While my family is great and supportive I do feel like that times they are too closed minded or pessimistic. So this blog is for the dreamers. I believe in the incredible power of people to do good and make positive change. I hope to embark on a journey in life that is the one less traveled. A journey that is scary as heck but will ultimately be more rewarding than the safe, guaranteed route.

If you related to any of this than stick around 🙂 I’d love for you to join me on this journey.

Jess

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Why do I blog?

This question reminds me of a post I created earlier in the year: Why I Write I ended that post by saying that I write because it scares me. I am pretty proud of my past self for that. I think at the time I didn’t realize how true that statement was. In the months that have followed I have really thought about living a life that is more fearless and authentic. I feel like for so long I have let my fear of failure and my many other fears rule my life.

I have anxiety. I have social anxiety, anxiety about being in control of situations, panic attacks and perhaps even a bit of depression. I have been on medication and seen therapists and have spent a large portion of my life trying to “cure” myself, to “fix” it but it wasn’t until a month ago that I have really started to come to terms with the fact that I will never be cured of anything. I am who I am. But I also don’t need to be defined or ruled by any one part of myself either. So where do I go from here?
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My Anxiety Creature

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So scrolling through Tumblr today I found this picture.

I find this image captivating. I am pretty certain it is meant to be a Pokemon of some sort just by looking at all the images that followed it. Embarrassingly for being a child of the nineties, I have no idea which one. Regardless, it has a completely different meaning to me. Let me start by telling you a quick story.

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Why I Write


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       My life is very much centered around writing at the moment. I am almost finished my Undergrad degree and with that comes the terrifying “real” world as they say. I am trying to envision a life for myself outside of the comforts of university lecture halls. I am trying to find “what I am meant to do?” “What will make me happy?” What will pay off the horrendous debt I have accumulated in my last 4+ years?”. I am drawn to a life involving stories. I am too fearful to pursue a life as an author, so I am beginning to navigate towards a life in the publishing or editing field. Working with authors, reading, critiquing, editing stories; heck I’d even be fine as a secretary at a publishing company for a while. Just anything that keeps me in this creative world of literature and authors.

     During my life I have discovered a need to formulate my own voice, separate from the one I use as a student. I am working to formulate my voice as a writer. It used to sound intimidating thinking of myself as a writer but I realized that I have always been a writer. I think in many ways we are all writers. As a kid I always had notebooks or random word files on my computer filed under “thoughts”. Sometimes it was a dream I had that I thought was the most interesting dream ever dreamed, lyrics to a song that would never be, or just a venting session about how horribly terrible that moment in my life was. But I never saw these things as really writing before. I just saw them as words that had to get out of my head. Continue reading